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  • Zdjęcie autoraNatalia Plachta Fernandes

Creativity as a burden

Past few weeks I haven't been creating much. Reasons are few. I believe that one of them, the one that is a bit hard for me to accept, but here it is - being overwhelmed with my creation/creativity. Not with the things I have created, more with the fact of creating so much.

In this context the art is weightless. In fact, paradoxically, these moments of feeling the 'burden' of creativity showed me again how art surpasses me. Because me and my 'moments' are one thing, and the works crated are constantly another universe. It is not that last years there was 'too much' of art, it is not that I am making a break, resting. More like breathing, seeing things from outside. And my paintings seem even more light and powerful to me. Sometimes it is hard to see the situation from inside. Going out; spacial and temporal (especially temporal) distance make miracles. Give light.

When you create many things you are like a machine gun. Just every shot is different! No killing..

I consider my creativity a great gift. Not even sure if this is the most proper word to describe the process of 'making things visible'. Quite overused lately. Because in my case it is not about having the good ideas. It is about making something out of... ? (Here I tried to explain -> ) Don't exactly know out of what.

Past few weeks I have also been thinking much about writing more here. Before starting this blog I have been writing much on paper. And after the idea was to do it here so I stopped the paper... and haven't really started here. Happens.

I think I said before about the feeling of something approaching. As part of my creative process - 'things' approaching/coming to me to be painted. It has happened several times. Inexplicable, but real. This intuition has never deceived me. It is incomparable with anything else, hard to talk about it in terms of 'feeling' because it is something on a quite different level. Usually takes few weeks, even months and after some small revolution happens/new visual dimensions appear. And it was present with me last time. Somewhere deep down, blurred but real. Waiting. And it was revealed yesterday! Actually that is what this post is about! The matter is complex. And that feeling included complexity, I mean it felt like something bigger is about to happen. Here it is. It couldn't go to different direction. Seems so obvious now. Let's try to put the puzzle together...

For past 5 years I have created big amount of paintings and drawings. I have filled some sketchbooks. Sometimes there was with me the feeling of doing too much. Where am I going to store all this, how many sketchbooks am I going to fill during my lifetime? What is the point of it? I don't like to store things.. and so on.

Each of my work is different, but there are some topics/motives. This is the way I work - I do not work on one piece for days/months. I make maaany quite fast pieces. I have heard many times opinions that I should 'focus', work more on one thing, spend more time on it. And I have been putting this kind of pressure on myself as well. Because what do I know? This resulted in feeling that I am doing something wrong. With all the freedom I had in art making and belief that this is the way to make art - some part of me bought the idea of me doing something wrong! But there was nothing. This was/is the way I work. There are works I do in 1 minute, and there are some that I have been working on for days. And they are all valid. Maybe there will come time when I will be doing one painting per year, working on it every day. Maybe not!

(Un)finished, oil pastel, 70 x 50 cm

I have spent a lot of time on work - just not one, on many. If someone prefers we can call that I am working on sequences. Many small and fast works make stories, narratives. I don't think this is the best description, because one does not really follow the other. One is not result/reason of other. Usually they are all quite independent. But yes, some aspect of continuity exists. And for sure it is clearer seen from the outside. For me every work has it's own universe.

All of the above and many other aspects lead me to the yesterdays enlightenment. I have figured out that the best way of using my creativity will be making books. Art books about art. With art. Artistic. With many works - visual stories. Series of works if someone prefers. Book can be loaded with drawings and paintings. Some text. And it can be an artwork itself. Yes, it will never be like the original paintings, paint, canvas, paper... but on the other hand it will be capable of showing better what am I doing. The range, the amount. The process.

This way I am becoming multidisciplinary artist working on a big project. Who would say? Here we go. Will take some time. But feels just like another thing to be done. Because art always stays above. No expectations. The result as a permanent question mark - creativity.

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