Chaotic, slow me.

I would also add: messy, ignorant - all features of me as a painter. And I don't think they are necessarily bad.

Somehow it works that being slow results with many things happening. Because when you don't push much things are able of happening alone.

Things happening alone... For few last weeks appears to me the hydrological definition of creative process. Flows like a river. Sometimes as underground streams, sometimes waterfalls. It can be bigger or smaller, faster or slower. Or so deep that you don't even hear anything, just the unclear feeling of water moving somewhere far down below. But continuously keeps flowing.

Bigger than you. Impossible to make it faster, or block it. All that you have left is careful observation and appropriate actions. You never know for sure when a tiny brook is going to turn into a great waters.

You can be messy and chaotic when you know that there is the stream. In the end it will always take care of the 'organizing'. And sense of what you have done sooner or later is going to emerge. Step back and look. Interventions are pointless.

So - do nothing? Do much. Maybe it is like being on a boat. Doing nothing might finish tragically. What is needed: observation, some kind of awareness, some kind of navigation. Trust. That the river is not going to smash your tiny boat, even when turns it upside down sometimes. Maybe you can even expand the boat with wood found on the way. Not that it will make you feel any safer, more stable. Just enable to reach bigger waters.

Great grace.